Brian Lynch attempts to teach me to ride a BMX bike standing up going down a hill.... I insist on learning to ride a bike the regular sitting down way first. I was all crouched up on a tiny ass bike... but it was fun.
It is unacceptable how Amanda Bynes is being treated like a criminal when all she is doing is TWEETING. Everyone is a little crazy, why does she get taken away for it? Is she a mind control slave? Is Sam Lufti her handler? Is this all bullshit... then randomly we start talking about anal sex and porn cause we are intelligent well spoken individuals and have no attention span. Is our shitty attention spans a result of the New World Order?? You decide.
Salvia Divinorum is a legal drug that induces teleporting, getting severed, and running from lasers. Unfortunately, I didn't teleport anywhere cool...could have just walked to the bank. Btw- teleporting fucking hurts. Being a science experiment in another dimension was pretty cool, but I hope that's not what is really going on here.
I don't do drugs because I suck at them. I use to think I was great at doing them and thats why I have so many stories, but as you'll see... it never turned out like it was supposed to. Today I'm going to share a couple of stories about PCP, which include kicking a door in with my mom in her panties on the other side and losing my toenails at an 80's concert.
Here's a story about my lovely mother, who thought a mysterious orange ecstasy pill was candy and decided to eat it. Who does that?! I tried to wait it out but before she leaves for work, I end up telling her what it was. Let's just say she wasn't a happy raver.
I felt it was about time to introduce my hood rat street fighting alter ego from Jersey, Prison Jenn. For the most part she is out on her own turning bitches out, but when issues arise in my life, she comes to kick ass on my behalf. Here's the story of a time she caught my ex cheating and fought the chick in the Dirty Jersey streets. No class, just trash. Enjoy!
Sometimes you get a pizza with a friend and shoot the shit... but my panicky gluten free ass can't stop obsessing. Who have I become, I used to kick doors in now I feel naughty for eating almost a whole pizza? Getting older is funny, not haha funny... but like holy shit No wonder parents are so laaaaaaame. Also, gym perverts... Joined by my great friend, Brian Lynch. Enjoy.
Everyone talks about the awful drivers in Los Angeles, but have you ever met one personally? No one has anything nice to say about bad drivers, not even me... and I am one of them. I share my struggle of failing several road tests, crashing a car, and moving to this wonderful city we call LA. Don't worry, I haven't been on the road since! Uber is a life saver.
Some people will zero in on other's flaws. Sometimes those people are your significant other... and SOMETIMES you want to kill that person for insulting you BY SAYING YOU HAVE A MUSTACHE... When I really don't have a mustache, Ok?! And even if I did have one... you should accept me the way I am hairless or hairy. I say "Okay" about 20x in this video... forgive me, I just wanted to make sure you're understanding me and the lack of severity of this situation and video.
So I had this crazy dream that I was having an affair with JFK and we had an orgy with Tyra Banks in the bathtub of the presidential suite of the Pennisula Hotel in the future. Pretty crazy, then Melissa Stetten shows up and we present a VMA award together.
Most parents want their children to find love so they can have grandchildren... not my mom. She wanted to save us the trouble of falling in love, by not allowing it. If she found out I was dating a guy she would have killed us both... and this is the near death story of one young man who tried dating me.
So I found this video I recorded months ago and decided to put it up. Never call a white trash person, white trash because they will kick you in a parking lot. Proving, that they are in fact, white trash. This is my story. Enjoy.
My mom had no problem taking out the belt and whipping me if I was bad, but when it came to fighting she was zero tolerance. I was not allowed to hit anyone, even if they hit me first. I actually convinced my principal to not tell my mom I got into a fight once... but my step mom, who is Latina... she said if someone hits you, you hit them back, or I'm going to hit you for not defending yourself. Oh divorce... makes being a child so easy and not confusing!
During an episode of Carmody Central Podcast with Colin Quinn I talked about my UFO experience from childhood vaguely. I wanted to describe it in detail plus talk about some other UFO sightings in the area over the years.